Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
