There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
