I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
