she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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