I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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