I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
