yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
