Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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