i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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