i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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