FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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