Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
