i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
