Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
