6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
