So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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