Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
