I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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