All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
