I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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