I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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