apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dick very happy bro
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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