It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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