so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
