Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
