Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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