dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you had me at cake vodka
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
