Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
