Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Drake has all the answers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
