Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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