guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
