Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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