he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
