On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
