He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
