Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
