I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
