let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
