dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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