He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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