i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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