Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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