I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
