If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
