You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
