Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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