I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
