How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
