the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
