I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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