Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
