dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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