mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
