i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
