If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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